some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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