When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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