Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have aggressive nipples.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
