when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
