Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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