So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
