Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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