i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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