it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
