K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
