How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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