No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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