Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
