Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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