ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
