well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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