It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
