you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
