**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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