Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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