DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
