even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
