I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
