Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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