i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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