somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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