Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
