I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
