Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
