Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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