what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
