I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can't special order awesome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And then my night got REAL pukey
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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