My first STD was from a foam party
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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