My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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