You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
