my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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