Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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