Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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