so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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