Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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