I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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