I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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