You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
