Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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