dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
