I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
