One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
