do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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