Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Me too!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
