But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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