I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
