you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
