hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
