My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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