The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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