Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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