apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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