I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
