God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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