if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
