Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
