You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
