Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
