I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
