haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
