I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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