thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize