Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
