Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
